Angry Squats

Not my day today, I am in a mood as dreary and gloomy as the clouds that are taking over NYC this afternoon. Today was a Squat Day, I just started Jason Ferruggia’s RAMPAGE program and was excited to get started. Despite how gung-ho I have been, today though, I was very hesitant to start, I looked for every excuse in the book. Then I realized it – lifting heavy things makes me feel better, my mood will lift with the weight as I rise out of the bottom of each squat. The squat is the physical embodiment of overcoming an obstacle that is holding you down. What better feeling than to overcome it OVER and OVER again? I will lift the whole damn gym . . . they better have enough plates down there!

I was off to a good start this morning, reduced sugar everywhere, just moments before, I downed a cup of “flavorful” coffee with half and half . . . well, it really wasn’t too flavorful with no sugar, but it makes me feel better to say that, I got used to it after! The caffeine hadn’t yet kicked in as I went to the basement and started warming up, still pissed at the world, going through my mobility drills and a light BB Complex just to get the blood running still didn’t fix my mood. Finally Im set in the rack excited and antsy because I cannot wait to get to my top end sets and letting out some frustration, these next few warm up sets of squats as I work to a 5RM are going to be torture damn it!!!

Someone taps my shoulder, it is another guy with his chest all puffed out, “Hey Joey, can I work in?”, apparantly he was on the 52-Week Bench Press and Bicep Curl Program and was looking for a change. Nice day to choose for it.

Coach Joey: “Uugh, you SQUAT?”

Mr. I Don’t Do Legs: “No, I don’t do Legs, but I can work in!”

Coach Joey: “FML.”

In the mood I was in, I didn’t care, the caffeine hadn’t kicked in yet, so I didnt yell at him. It was my day 1 back so I wasn’t going too heavy. He also seemed like he could get a decent amount of work in with some guidance, he was probably a good distraction for me before I overdid it and popped a blood vessel in my eye by the 4th or 5th set.

Let’s GO!

Warm up Sets –

BB 45lbs

135lbs x 5

155lbs x 5

185lbs x 5  – Mr. I Don’t Do Legs – “Phew, that was tough!” . . . Coach Joey:  “Shut up.”

195lbs x 5

(At this point, the caffeine hits my right atrium and a super oxygenated caffeine mixture proceeds to shoot out of my left ventricle and through my arteries. My eyes dilate as they feel the rush, my heart pumps faster, and I blast through this set with ferocious intensity.)

215lbs x 5

225lbs x 5 – Mr. I Don’t Do Legs – “Umm . . . I think that’s enough for me, umm . . .I’ll probably do one more set here.”  (Where did that puffy chest go?). . . Highly Caffeinated Joey: “SHUT UP AND SQUAT!”

245lbs x 5

265lbs x 5

275lbs x 5

Hey, where did he go? “Mr. I DONT DO LEGS!!! WHERE ARE YOOU? I NEED A SPOT!!!”

285lbs x 5

I blasted through the squats as the last bit of anger leaves my system with the grunts of each rep.

From the corner of the gym, a grown man sits shivering in a heap on the floor repeating in a little voice . . .  “I don’t do legs . . .  I don’t do legs . . . ”

Three Lessons –

  1. DO LEGS.
  2. Shut up and SQUAT.
  3. Don’t Squat with me when I am angry.

Stay Strong,


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